Dearly Beloved
by Your Pyroclastic Flow
Summary: Alternate Universe. InuYasha's mother has just died. Now he has no one to turn to except for his brother, Sesshoumaru. Contains gay incest. Nothing too detailed, ya pervs. Ch. 4: Myouga the Flea. Family history. Brotherly talks.
1. First Installment

**Disclaimer:** Let's see... I don't own _InuYasha_ or Windex or copyrights to _The Gunslinger_ or anything else I may happen to mention in here that obviously isn't mine by legal right, and I ain't making any money off it or nothin'...

And this is also an alternate universe/ Inu-Yasha in modern times kind of thing. Aren't those kind of boring after awhile?

* * *

**Dearly Beloved**

_First Installment_

Have you ever felt like you were alone in the world? Most people have at one or two points in their lives, perhaps more. Some even feel like that for the majority of their lives. Inu-Yasha wouldn't exactly say that he was totally alone, but right now he had to admit he felt stand-offish. Anti-social. Depressed. He didn't want anyone near him right now. That was the problem. The people wouldn't leave him alone. Everyone kept apologizing, saying their sympathetic words, trying to give him shoulders to cry on. He understood their efforts; he knew they were only trying to make this a little easier for him, but he didn't want them right now. He didn't want to cry. Not on anyone's shoulders. He wanted to be alone. But at the same time, he wished he wasn't alone.

He and his older brother—half-brother, he reminded himself—Sesshoumaru, had just returned from the funeral of Inu-Yasha's mother. When people asked how she died, the brothers made excuses not to answer. To be honest, they had not a clue as to what caused the dear woman's death. She had been young and in perfect health, the kindest of women without any enemies. Except for her step-son, Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru had despised Izayoi with a passion which put Inu-Yasha's love for his mother in the dust. The boys' father had told Inu-Yasha that Sesshoumaru was only jealous because his own mother had died long ago. Little as he was at the time, Inu-Yasha hadn't thought much of it; he actually felt sorry for Sesshoumaru... until Izayoi's death.

It seemed like all fingers pointed to Sesshoumaru. Looking at the woman's dead and freshly-waxed body in the coffin at the wake would tell you straight away she had not been beaten, shot, or injured in any outside physical way. But as he studied poisons in college, Sesshoumaru could have easily snuck something in her food without her knowing. In fact, Inu-Yasha was sure of it, Sesshoumaru had made her coffee that morning; he never made her coffee for her!

Inu-Yasha got out of Sesshoumaru's car and into the house. He felt numb all over. It had been bad enough that his father had died when he was young; now, when he was only a few weeks from graduating high school, his mother had to leave him too? He didn't totally blame his older brother right away; after all, Sesshoumaru had arranged the funeral and everything else Inu-Yasha had been too scared to do after they found Izayoi lying unmoving on the living room floor. And when attending the funeral a few days later, Sesshoumaru had kept a lot of relatives and friends of the deceased from bothering Inu-Yasha too much. He had to admit he appreciated that, despite their strong dislike of each other. He glanced into the living room and shuddered; the image of his mother...

The door slammed and Sesshoumaru left his keys on the kitchen table before running up into his room. Inu-Yasha couldn't give a damn what he was doing up there. Instead of wasting his time worrying about it, he made his way to his own room downstairs.

Why him? Why did he get stuck with no parents before his eighteenth birthday? Before graduation? He had worked hard to improve his grades—just for his mother. He had taken up cooking and sewing and foreign language and geometry just to make himself useful to his mother. Sure she could be annoying sometimes, but she loved him. She loved him a hell of a lot more than Sesshoumaru did. He felt a few tears slide down his cheeks as he leaned against his bedroom door. He loved his mother...

There was a knock. Just one. It was short, sharp, and to the point. Meaning, it was Sesshoumaru. Inu-Yasha knew it. Few people ever knocked once and once only. It annoyed him how Sesshoumaru did it this way. He spun around, knocking his nose into the frame. Rubbing it with his right hand, he used the left to open the door. Sesshoumaru held a scabbard out to him horizontally. On that scabbard was a note, written in their father's handwriting: INU-YASHA. That was all. Inu-Yasha took the gift from Sesshoumaru and unsheathed the blade inside. It looked like a beat-up, rusty old piece of junk. Sesshoumaru said, "It is called Tessaiga, the Steel-Cleaved Fang." Inu-Yasha nodded and returned the sword to the scabbard.

"That all?" he asked, placing the sword beside the doorframe. "You came to give me my heritage?" Sesshoumaru neither nodded nor shook his head. He stared as cold and emotionless at Inu-Yasha as a computer might.

"May I come in?" Ugh. Apparently he wanted some kind of "brotherly talk," now that the woman who had housed him was dead. Inu-Yasha nodded nonetheless, and sat upon his bed. Sesshoumaru closed the door behind him. "You must be wondering why your mother died so suddenly."

"Damn straight," Inu-Yasha replied, and crossed his arms. He tried staring into Sesshoumaru's eyes to intimidate him, or at least get as much access to what he might be thinking as possible, but failed in total vanity; it was a useless thing to do, his eyes were so cold. The color of them was like a thin sheet of caramel, but it was more like frozen caramel than anything else. He averted his gaze to the door instead, wishing Sesshoumaru would walk through it and disappear forever.

"I have given them permission to perform an autopsy. If that is all right with you. I am just as curious to find out what killed her as you are." Inu-Yasha stared at him in surprise. Before he could think, he blurted out,

"You mean you didn't kill her?" Sesshoumaru shook his head.

"I didn't, no. But I think I have an idea of who did."

"Tell me!" Inu-Yasha demanded and stood, ready to beat Sesshoumaru up if he didn't obey. Again, Sesshoumaru shook his head.

"It is no one you know, and even if you did know him, it is foolish to jump to conclusions. Sit down and calm yourself." In spite of himself, Inu-Yasha sat down.

"Just why would you care anyway?" he asked with a bitter tone. "It's not like she was _your_ mother. You hated her."

"I did," agreed Sesshoumaru, stepping closer. He stopped and looked to the window. Inu-Yasha had put black shades up yesterday to block out the sunlight. He turned back toface himwithout a single difference in his expression. "But I hate seeing you in such pain. No matter how much I dislike you, you are my little brother." Inu-Yasha huffed and looked away.

"Yeah, so?" Sesshoumaru sat beside him on the bed.

"I'm trying to help in any way I can."

"Whatever." Inu-Yasha refused to look at him. "You can go and burn in Hell for all I care."

"And so can you," Sesshoumaru replied as calmly as though this were a daily occurrence. "But you probably wouldn't go unless I dragged you there with me."

"Feh." Then came the silence. Sesshoumaru stood up and left without a sound, opening and closing the door slowly so it wouldn't make too much noise. Inu-Yasha remained sitting on his bed for the next half-hour. His mother had died. He had loved her. His brother hadn't killed her. What should he do? Where was the manual to life when you needed it? Truth was, the only person he would have known to write it had left him. So what he did was leave his depressing hole of a happy kid's room and went upstairs to find that person.

"Sesshoumaru," he said after opening the door of his big brother's room without knocking. "Remember when we were little and I drank the Windex?"

"Yes," Sesshoumaru answered, book-marking his page in _The Gunslinger_ and placing the novel on his desk. "You nearly killed yourself. Why?" Inu-Yasha entered fully into the room, shutting the door with a tiny click and making his way to Sesshoumaru's bed.

"Remember in the hospital when you came to visit me? And Mother and the nurses decided to let us talk alone? Remember what you did? Could you do it again?"

"Inu-Yasha, I—"

"Please, Sesshoumaru? It made me feel so much better. It was the only time I've ever felt loved by you. The only time I felt like you wanted me around." Sesshoumaru sighed and cleared a spot for Inu-Yasha to sit on the bed.

"All right. Come here." He obeyed instantly, like a well-trained dog, sitting cross-legged in the spot his elder brother indicated. Sesshoumaru sat opposite him, watching his eagerness with a perplexed glint in his eyes. But what Inu-Yasha wanted, he got. Sesshoumaru leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. Inu-Yasha returned it just before he pulled away.

"That was too quick."

"You want it longer?" He nodded vigorously for one who's mother had recently passed on. Sesshoumaru shook his head as though thinking about how silly his little brother could be. He gave him another kiss, this one lasting a bit longer. Just as he was about to end it, Inu-Yasha pulled his head closer, entwining his hands behind Sesshoumaru's head. It seemed apparent the younger brother was reluctant to let go of his last living relative. Upon Inu-Yasha's will, they kissed in this fashion for another twenty minutes, until they allowed the kisses to become deeper and more intimate, adding tongues and shedding clothing. This was most certainly not what happened in the hospital.

Inu-Yasha lay on his back now, his head resting upon the very same pillows his brother slept on, his clothes discarded and disregarded on the floor. He knew this was wrong; just the thought of kissing his brother disgusted him. Then he reminded himself—half-brother. It was like a cousin, he told himself in hopes of making the situation less shameful. How could it be shameful when he _loved_ his brother? Couldn't they at least _pretend_ to hate each other as they had in the past? Or was this change of events a change in both of them? Sesshoumaru was gently rubbing Inu-Yasha's stomach to settle out his short breaths.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" For what felt like the tenth time today, Inu-Yasha nodded.

"You and virginity are the only things I got left to lose. Hit me as hard as you can, Onii-chan!" Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Surely you can't mean that?"

"I do! If anything is going to make me hate you for the rest of my life, it's this. Now please, start!" It was evident. Inu-Yasha truly _was_ depressed. Depressed and hormonal. Sesshoumaru was almost afraid of disobeying him.

Within the next twenty minutes, Inu-Yasha wanted to scream. Not in pain, not in misery, not even in pleasure. He wanted to scream in pride, and laugh. He also couldn't make up his mind as to whether or not he wanted Sesshoumaru to go slow down or go faster. So many pain-numbing feelings coursing throughout his body... He didn't want to climax and have it end, but he didn't really want to _not_ climax. As his body eventually contracted and his breaths became so shallow it was almost hard to breathe, the final few strokes caused him to gasp and whimper. Warm, white liquid jetted its way out of him—and into him. He was panting, trying to cool his now hot body down. Friction was sometimes too much. He felt Sesshoumaru, almost distantly, pull out of him, and lay next to him, panting almost as much as he himself was. He glanced over at him with glazed-over gold-colored eyes. Warmed up caramel gazed back. They exchanged only half-aware smiles.

Then Inu-Yasha remembered his mother was dead. It was a good thing his brother hadn't been the one to kill her. One less thing to worry about; as now, he was more alone than he would ever be.

**END/Installment One**


	2. Second Installment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inu-Yasha; however, I DO own Winslow Asparagus and his book _Carrot Rhythm_

**Dearly Beloved**

_Second Installment_

Three months later. It was nearing the end of summer vacation. Or at least that was what Inu-Yasha's mind told him. In actuality, it was the beginning of his first school-time period... out of school. His freedom as an adult was dawning. For the first time since he was but a tiny whelp, he wouldn't have to worry about textbooks and teachers... and rules or curfews or schedules. He could go to bed when he wanted, could spend as much time reading or watching TV or surfing the 'Net as he wanted. He could eat ice cream at 1:00 A.M. with barbeque chips watching reruns of Azumanga Daioh on the On Demand and his mother couldn't tell him to go to bed. One, because he was a legal adult now, and two, because his mother was dead.

It was weird to think of her as dead. He remembered being so upset about it before... Now he felt sort of numbed. He loved having this freedom, but he didn't want his mother to be disregarded. That was why he put a framed picture of her by his bed. That way, he'd always see his mother's face in his dreams... Now he lay on the living room couch, taking a moment from his book to dwell upon the memory of his mother. It wasn't as hard to do so as it was after she had first died. The lady had to go sometime, right? Though, he was still awaiting the results from the autopsy... One would think they'd be speedy about it, but apparently not. That, or Sesshoumaru wasn't willing to share the information with him.

The front door slammed with an agitated click. Inu-Yasha's ears twitched. Those ears, as catlike (_Inu_, he insisted, _they're dog ears_... _That's why I was named _Inu-_Yasha_... _Even if Sess calls them cat ears_) as they were, were the result of a birth defect, so he was told by his dearly beloved mum long ago. _Birth defect_. _Yeah right_. He sat up and watched closely as Sesshoumaru walked by and started messing around with papers on the coffee table. You couldn't tell by his expression—apathetic as always—but the energy surrounding him made it evident it might not be a bright idea to aggravate him. After a few minutes passed, he turned to Inu-Yasha.

"..."

"...?"

"You haven't done anything of worth all day, have you?"

"I did the dishes..."

"..."

"...?"

"You should probably look for a job."

"...Aw, c'mon, Sess! I—" Inu-Yasha broke off as his brother turned his back on him again. It wouldn't be good to whine. He had to look for a job and that was that.

* * *

Three weeks later. Inu-Yasha flapped a plastic bag so that it opened itself from its Hermetic sealing. He then slipped the two good-sized volumes in it and swiftly pressed a key on the register. 

"That'll be $54.39, ma'am." The middle-aged woman already had her money out. She handed it to him in exchange for a receipt and the bag of books. "Thank you. Have a nice day."

"Thank you very much." Before walking away, she paused and looked at him, as though wanting to ask him something, but being hesitant about it. At last, she said, "Your ears... are they real?"

"They sure are, ma'am," he answered, smiling in a kind of I-really-don't-want-to way. Not reluctant, just plaintive. She nodded, and, still looking unsure, went on her way. Inu-Yasha let out a sigh. People had been asking about his ears, his hair, his nails, his eyes all day. Going out in public was bothersome most of the time. He always wondered whether his father had been some kind of otherworldly creature, to have produced such alien-looking sons who preferred to grow out their hair and nails. It just never felt right when either was short. His mother used to bring him to a beauty parlor when he was young, and every time he came out, smelling like lilies, his trimmed and groomed hair would feel as though it didn't belong to him. And he remembered quite clearly some of the fusses and tantrums Sesshoumaru made when it was time for his own haircuts.

Another customer came up. He was holding four books, all taken from the Barnes and Noble Classics section over by the Fiction and Literature aisles, from the colors and setup of them. Two were of Charles Dickens, whom Inu-Yasha noted Sesshoumaru didn't care for, and the other two, one was a Mark Twain and the last was Bram Stoker's _Dracula_. The young man holding them made Inu-Yasha look older by a few good years, and was rather pimply-faced, with a brown mop of hair, unbrushed and wild, and big blue eyes perking out of his pale round head. He didn't hand the books over, however. In fact, he seemed rather reluctant to give them up. Inu-Yasha, taking duty in his hands, asked,

"How can I help you?" The boy licked his lips, his eyes glued to Inu-Yasha like a vulture's.

"I'm looking for a book by Winslow Asparagus. It's called _Carrot Rhythm_. Do you know where I can find it?"

"_Carrot Rhythm_," Inu-Yasha repeated. "Winslow Asparagus. Nope. Never heard that one before. Why don't you check with the information desk? They probably know better than I do." The boy gave a saddened expression to him at this suggestion. He shook his head.

"I asked the man at the information desk already. I want _you_ to find it. You're a lot like me." _Say _what,_ kid? What're you up to?_ Just how could he have anything in common with _this_ booger? He raised an eyebrow, but nodded anyway, deciding just to go along with the flow.

"Okay, if you say so. Let's go check and see where we can get this book of yours. What genre does it fall under?" The boy's gaze never left him as he abandoned his cash register to go out into the open store.

"It's science fiction." He licked his lips again. Inu-Yasha nodded and headed for the sci-fi aisles. This aisle, for some unknown reason, was abandoned. And that was fine. So today wasn't a hot sci-fi day was all. He bent down and took a look at the A's, doubting in his mind the chances of finding anyone by the name Winslow Asparagus, nor a book called _Carrot Rhythm_. He yawned, covering his mouth by unconscious habit.

"I found it."

"What?" Inu-Yasha turned to look at the boy. Something in his grin made him cringe. It was a dangerous grin. The boy was no longer holding four books, but one; a monstrous-sized volume bound by black leather, on the spine in gold letters it was entitled _Carrot Rhythm_. Winslow Asparagus's name could be found below it. There was no indication of a publisher.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"From the shelf," the boy answered simply enough. There was a twinkle in his eyes which Inu-Yasha was not too fond of. It reminded him of his worst memories: those days when Sesshoumaru, who he had always admired from afar but was likewise always embarrassed to admit it, decided to humiliate him in some way. Sometimes it would be a rough game of Throw-Loose-Bricks-Found-in-the-Neighbor's-Yard-At-Inu-Yasha, other times it might be Spill-Ketchup-and-Mustard-on-Little-Brother-and-Lock-Him-in-a-Shed-After-Rolling-Him-in-Dirt, and still others it might be his least favorite game of all, Beat-Little-Brother-Til-He-Cries-Like-the-Stupid-Girl-He-Is. Always had the beatings harmed him most, not necessarily because he was being beaten, but because those were the times he always thought Sesshoumaru really hated him, wanted him dead, even. But one day, Big Brother had the nastiest look in his eyes... and a smirk to go along with it. That day, an intention to kill seemed to fill the air around him with a sickening stench. Inu-Yasha couldn't recall ever being more frightened than he had on that day; he pissed Sesshoumaru off real bad, real, real bad. He couldn't remember what he had done, but he had promised never, ever, ever, Big Brother, please, _never_ to do it again, he had been so terrified, so horrified by that look in Sesshoumaru's eyes. He swore they had glowed red.

Now he was seeing a very similar light in this boy's eyes, and, goddamn, that fear was catching on again. Not as heavily, oh no, for this was not his elder brother, but a complete stranger whom he had only just run into, however, it was still there. The difference? He was older, much older, and could feel a strength rising sneakily into his hands, a desire he had never felt before; the desire to knock the guy's head off his neck.

"It came from the shelf of Hell, where you will be going soon," the boy-creature cackled in delight. "But first, I will reap the opportunity and feed upon your deliciousness. You do not even know what you are, do you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Inu-Yasha growled, unaware of how he was baring his fangs on instinct, and stood, clenching his fists. His nails, he realized, felt sharper, deadlier, useful—more like the claws of a... well, a dog. "But I don't like your tone. Run that by me again, will you?" The boy-creature's smile widened. His skin had gone a pale, sickly greenish color. The irises of his eyes stood out bright yellow against the dark pupils.

"I'd be more than happy to, my tasty little pup. In fact, I'll demonstrate." He vanished where he stood. Inu-Yasha was caught dumbfounded and off-guard... and in the creature's clutches. He had used some sort of teleportation trick to get behind Inu-Yasha, and was now holding onto him, pulling his arms back. "Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Winslow. Winslow Asparagus. But you can call me Your Maker."

"Feh. I'd rather call you _DEAD!_" Inu-Yasha struggled to turn around, but just as he got his right arm free, tentacles sprouted from the creature's sides and wrapped around him, holding him securely in place. "Winslow," as he called himself, looked very smug. Too smug. Inu-Yasha couldn't stand it.

"Puppy has a temper. Let me sooth what ails you." Winslow stepped away from his "treat," the tentacles detaching themselves from his body, yet maintaining a firm grasp on the captured. He bent down to Inu-Yasha's waist and unbuttoned his jeans. Inu-Yasha stared in shock. Did this weird being mean to _rape_ him? Where the hell _was_ everybody? Daydreaming! Why did nobody hear them? Why didn't they sense the evil presence! Winslow pulled Inu-Yasha's jeans to the floor. He did the same to the boxers which were left. Fear was tensing up in Inu-Yasha's nervous system now. He was anything but aroused. He had heard plenty of stories about rape, but never had he imagined something even close happening to _him_.

The monster licked his lips once more. "Ah, the beauty of adolescence. Had you seen the withered hags of my world, you would be sympathetic and cooperative with me instead of glaring like that."

"I could never be sympathetic with the likes of you!" Cold air was taken into Inu-Yasha's mouth through his teeth, making a sharp HSSHT! sound. "SOMEBODY! HELP!" His offender giggled.

"You're not going to attract their attention that way!" The creature's skin had become scaly, cold and coarse. A talon-like hand extended to caress one of Inu-Yasha's genitals... And was quickly withdrawn. Winslow Asparagus jerked back, looking as though he had been burned. Surprise swiftly changed to annoyance.

"How could this be! You seemed far too innocent _not_ to be virgin! Aren't you virgin, boy!" Aha. That insecurity was enough to make Inu-Yasha feel he had the upper hand here.

"Nope. Sorry. My big brother took it away from me and he keeps refusing to give it back. Says it's his now or something. But tell what, you can always go ask _him_ for it. He'll slice your head open."

"That's... not... _RIGHT!_" Winslow shrieked, his low, slimy voice gaining higher pitch. "Beautiful young boys should not by any means have consensual sex with their _BROTHERS!_" Inu-Yasha blushed at this.

"How... how would _you_ know if it was consensual, huh!" He broke free of the tentacles, feeling that new strength spread throughout his muscles. He was more than ready to fight now. Roaring, even. Those which bound him disintegrated to ashen dust, gray and plentiful. Regaining composure, Winslow stood and sneered.

"My boy, true given-and-gotten love provides a barrier which no evil can break. Not even he who hired me to kill you and your mother would be able to break it, and I assure you, every pore on his body sweats darkness. Until next time, my unrequited love, may you and your brother find peace within yourselves." He vanished once again, leaving Inu-Yasha to ponder on this thought.

He took a step forward, and caught his gaze on the ground where Winslow had stood. Did that... really happen? Did this Asparagus dude know something about him which he didn't know? Wait... Hold on just one fucking minute...

_THAT WAS THE GUY THAT KILLED MY MOTHER!_

In a sudden burst of fury, Inu-Yasha ran down the aisle, looking for any clue which would lead him to Winslow Asparagus. As he passed by, people stopped and gawked at him like he was crazy. Why hadn't anyone come to rescue him? What was going through these people's heads? He stopped abruptly at his assigned cash register, panting much like a dog in the sun on a ninety-degree summer day. His eye had caught hold of something on the table; Winslow's book. _Carrot Rhythm_. On the cover was a note:

TO INU-YASHA, MY DARLING CUDDLE BUG. WITH LOVE, WINNIE.

**END/Installment Two**


	3. Third Installment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own legal rights to _Inu-Yasha_, this is pure fiction for pure enjoyment.

**Dearly Beloved**

_Third Installment_

Inu-Yasha bagged the book and placed it in a corner. When his shift was over, he brought it home with him. He wasn't quite sure if he should show Sesshoumaru before or after he told the story. Should they look it over together or should he check it out before giving it to Sesshoumaru?

In any case, Sesshoumaru wasn't home by the time Inu-Yasha took his shoes off at the door and placed the bag on the table. There was a note on the refrigerator:

_Inu-Yasha,_

_I've gone to my classes. Don't ask why, you idiot. This is a note, and besides, I know you have short-term memory. I simply rescheduled my classes. I should be back by 7:00PM. Go to the grocery store and pick up some eggs, milk, and anything else you think would make decent cookies. The only reason I'm giving you that choice is because it's your birthday, so don't get any silly ideas in that half-bred brain of yours. _

—_Lovely shopping, Sess_

Being used to his brother's sick sense of humor, Inu-Yasha would have given a small smile to this. Would have, if it hadn't been for the fateful events of the day. So, he had some stuff to buy. It didn't look like Sess left any money. Wonderful. He reached into his pocket to see what he had available... except, he didn't _have_ any pockets. His hands were reaching into air. He glanced down and stared dumbly at what was there. He had left his pants _and_ his boxers at the bookstore. He had walked to his car, driven it, and stood all day at the cash register with nothing covering his poor, chilled cojones. Holy shit. Really now. No fucking _wonder_ everyone had been staring at him. And giggling. Hadn't those girls been giggling? Why hadn't anyone _told_ him? He left his damn pants in the damn science fiction aisle. What if somebody found them? Hell, what if a police officer had seen him? Did anybody call the cops?

Well, now that he was in the privacy of his own home...

_Tap. Tap tap. BING!_

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Inu-Yasha jumped. Great. Someone at the door. Was it _that_ scary? Well, wearing a plain old t-shirt in public hadn't seemed scary to him at the time, but... He had to get something on and NOW!

_BING!_

"Just a moment!" He ran into his bedroom like he was being chased by the tax man. Seriously. He had a dream about that once...

_BING!_

He made it to his room and slipped on a pair of boxers. He attempted at getting into some jeans, but ended up tripping in his hurry.

_BING BING!_

Frustrated, he threw the jeans away and grabbed some shorts instead. Those went on much easier, even if it felt a bit awkward. They must have shrunk in the wash... Unless they had belonged to his mother... Whatever. There was no time for th--

_BING! BING BING BING! BIIIING!_

"I'M COMING, DAMMIT!" He fumbled with the door, gave up, huffed, and tried again. Once he managed to get it open, he went into the hallway, tripped over the carpet, and crawled the rest of the way to the front door. He stood and forced that open as well. Brushing his bangs out of his eyes, he asked, as calmly as he could manage, "Can I help you?" although he was the one that seemed like he needed the help. The man who stood at the door was wearing a blue mechanic's uniform, complete with a matching cap. He smiled and nodded, seeing Inu-Yasha in such a wreck; he looked no older than twenty-five.

"I'm not quite sure, but I believe these are yours?" He held out the very same clothing Inu-Yasha had left behind at Barnes and Noble. "I just found them in a bookstore and found what looked like a salesman's nametag in the back pocket...Inu-Yasha Taisho's your name?" Inu-Yasha turned as pale as paper.

"Uh, yeah. Those are mine. Thank... you." It took a lot of effort to talk. Should he consider himself damned or blessed? ...Damned, definitely damned. That monster had touched those garments. He didn't want to look at them, didn't want to touch them, but he took them anyway, in courtesy. "Thank you, uh..." Reading the name tag on the man's uniform. "...Miroku." His valiant knight and holy savior of the day smiled widely at him.

"You're very welcome, Inu-Yasha. I must say, it was entertaining to see you walking around so casually. Did you mean to streak or did just lose your pants without noticing? You should have seen the looks on the young ladies' faces. Oh my, what a treasure! I was just looking for a book on diesel engines when one exceptionally beautiful young girl beside me brought your clothes to my attention. She had the loveliest..." Realizing he was rambling and about to say something crude in front of a complete stranger, Miroku cut himself off and changed the subject. "Glad I could be of service. You're very welcome to call me if you need anything else." That said, he handed Inu-Yasha a card, complete with his address and phone number. There was also a website at the bottom, in very small print. Inu-Yasha stared at it while Miroku went on his way. That... had been awkward.

* * *

"Inu-Yasha, why are you staring at me like that?" asked Sesshoumaru, mixing the cookie batter with expertise. Inu-Yasha had attempted to do it himself earlier, but, this not being his day, had spilled the entire contents of the bowl, knocked the eggs on the floor, and gotten the whole carton of milk dumped on his head. He would never, _ever_ place the milk on top of the microwave again. Sesshoumaru had cleaned it all and then went to the grocery store to replace the ingredients they had lost, suprisingly not getting angry in the least bit. He could be such an angel sometimes. Or... he was just trying to keep that reputation of being an emotionless ijit. Yeah. Probably the latter. Though, that didn't really stop Inu-Yasha from questioning his brother's humanity. There had been more and more moments when he showed almost staggering amounts of compassion. Like when... 

"Inu-Yasha, are you sleeping?"

"Wh... wha? No. I was just... thinking. What was the question again?"

"Nevermind. Here," Sesshoumaru set the bowl of batter in front of Inu-Yasha and placed a cookie sheet beside it, "take care of the rest while I finish my homework." Inu-Yasha nodded and got to work.

"What's your project on?"

"The use of snake venom as medicine."

"Sounds like fun." He didn't really mean it.

"It is." Sesshoumaru, unlike his brother,was truthful in saying this.

"You're gonna be a doctor, right?"

Sesshoumaru stared at his brother like their father had just introduced them. And that had not been a very fun day. "Why would I do that?"

Inu-Yasha was taken aback. He had thought for sure Sesshoumaru wanted to be a doctor. Hadn't their father always suggested that when they were younger? He vaguely remembered Sesshoumaru holding a knife he stole from behind his step-mother's back, standing over Inu-Yasha and attempting to slice the poor little boy's stomach open. Their father had caught him before it could happen, and had carried a protesting Sesshoumaru away, mumbling something about a surgeon. And another memory—this one happened after the Windex incident. Inu-Yasha had swallowed ant poisoning. He had tried eating the ants, but they hadn't been all that filling, so he settled for the deadly stuff instead. Sesshoumaru was the one to catch him, take it away from him, slap him, and keep him as comfortable as he was able while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Inu-Yasha's mother had gone shopping that day, leaving twelve-year-old Sesshoumaru with seven-year-old Inu-Yasha in the house all alone. Inu-Yasha could remember Sesshoumaru saying, "I wish you could have gotten bitten by a snake instead. I know what to do with snake bites." He had placed a damp cloth on his younger brother's head to cool the rising fever.

"Am I gonna die, Sesshy?" Little Inu-Yasha asked. Though his voice was worried, he hadn't shed a single tear. His head hurt real bad, but the cold cloth was able to give him some relief.

"Maybe," his older brother shrugged.

"Will you put flowers on my grave if I do?"

"Nah. A bottle of Windex would suit you better than flowers. That's how I'll always remember you, anyway."

"Yeah," Inu-Yasha agreed sorrowfully. "The Windex tasted a lot better than the ant poisoning. But I still like chocolate cake more."

"Tell you what," said Sesshoumaru, brightly for his characteristically foreboding disposition. "If you come back from the hospital alive, I'll bake one for you. Okay?"

"'Kay." Just that small promise motivated Inu-Yasha enough to want to live. He wouldn't allow the poison to kill him. And obviously, he lived. And Sesshoumaru had kept his promise. It had been the best cake he ever tasted... Better than the ants and the Windex and the ant poisoning put together. From then on, he refused to consume _anything_ without his brother's approval. Even when he was fourteen, he always made sure to ask Sesshoumaru if the green beans his mother prepared for dinner would kill him, and when Sesshoumaru answered with a sarcastic, "Yes, they will. That's why I'm eating them; so I can die and get away from you," Inu-Yasha had nodded and said, "All right. I guess I'll eat them, too. You might get lonely in Hell what with nobody to give you an ego boost every fifteen minutes." His mother rolled her eyes and commented about how Sesshoumaru should never be a doctor if he told his patients things like that.

Inu-Yasha had always thought Sesshoumaru would be a doctor. He always took care of the neighbors' cats. Later on, he developed an allergy to the cats, but he still took care of them, despite how much of a health fanatic he was.He was appalled at how vague they were in school about health. Health class had been the worst for him. He said the most productive thing they had done in old obnoxious Mr. Hodge's class was study AIDS, and that was only because old obnoxious Mr. Hodge had plenty of videos on that.To hear that becoming a doctor was in fact the last thought in Sesshoumaru's head was staggering. It was like... his _destiny_. **(E/N: ...Mr. Hodge? Gee, I could have SWORN I've heard that name before... hmm. Maybe I'm wrong.) (A/N: ...Yes, SesshouMario, Mr. Hodge... I'm sooo subtle with these messages, man.)**

Shaking himself out of his flashback, Inuyasha asked his brother nervously, "Well, uh, I dunno. Why _would_ you do that?" He felt ashamed that he would have assumed such a thing in the first place.

"Besides," Sesshoumaru continued without noticing his brother's agreement, "there are thousands of categories of doctors. What kind were you thinking of?"

Inu-Yasha blushed. "You know, like... a... family... doctor." Shit. The idea of Sesshoumaru being a _family doctor_ was highly laughable. But, to his surprise, there was no laughter or scorn. Inu-Yasha put the cookies in to bake. There was no talk for a good while. Sesshoumaru finished his project, stapling the twelve-page essay complete with cover page and bibliography, and placing the poster for his oral report by the front door. At last Inu-Yasha popped open a can of soda with lime flavor and a question, "Hey, Sess... if you're not gonna be a doctor... why are you in medical school?"

"I was fooling with you, dumbass. You seriously are the most gullible person I've ever met."

"Oh." Pause. "That was _MEAN_! I really thought you meant it! Bastard!"

"Oh, now, now, Inu-Yasha, no need to be so upset."

"No, I mean it! That was cruel! Beyond cruel! You're always playing with my head!"

"Then it should not have come as a surprise. You really are an idiot, Inu-Yasha. I don't see why you should make a fuss. Of course, that only proves your severe lack of maturity. You're an adult now. You should begin acting like one. Imagine the influence you have on young children." That word, "children," caused something to click in Inu-Yasha's mind.

"So I was right? You _are_ going to be a family doctor!"

"Hell no. Try brain surgeon. Then I would really be able to mess with your head."

"You suck, Sesshoumaru! You're so frickin' _gay_!" In frustration, Inu-Yasha stormed out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. Why, oh God, why did Sesshoumaru always have to tease him in this way? And during such a bad day, too! Well, to be honest he wasn't as upset as he acted. It was just one of those brotherly mind games. He sat not on his bed, but beside it on the floor.

Brotherly mind games, huh? Then what did that really mean? They were brothers, yeah, duh, but even when they were young, there just seemed to be a little more there. It wasn't exactly friendship—they would never be able to be friends, their brotherly bond dominated over any friendship which happened to blossom between them—but something deeper, more emotional. More... eternal. Something they would never be able to rid themselves of, something which would always and forever remain unspoken, untold, yet always known; if not by just them, then by the few people able to become close to them. And of course this led to the question: what was it? What had caused his elder brother to kiss him that first time years and years ago? And what had caused him to accept it instead of squirming away and making a fuss like he would have had he been kissed by any other boy? This had not been any friendly kiss on the cheek, oh no, this had been a _real_ kiss. All he remembered from it was the warmth he received from knowing his brother was there for him, as well as, strongly, the desire for it to happen again, but he had put it off until his mother's death. What would his mother have done had she seen her son and stepson kissing? She wasn't a homophobe when she was alive, or she would not have been so kindly to Inu-Yasha's lesbian cousins. But these were _half-brothers_ we were talking about. Different mothers or not, they shared about half of the genetic traits within their bodies, and...

Did that really matter? It's not like they could reproduce. The likelihood of Inu-Yasha becoming pregnant just because his brother's semen happened to go up his asshole once or twice (or three times, he might recall, but he was drunk then and the details were fuzzy) was a scary number in the negatives. And they had different mothers, so it's not like they really came from the same place; they were just made of similar materials, and wasn't that how it went for everyone when you truly took the time to think about it? Right, so then, there was really only the problem of...

Being gay. He was gay. With his brother. _Gay with his brother_. Holy shit! He was fucking **gay** with his **brother**! What the hell was _right_ about that! Nothing, absolutely nothing! Why the hell didn't God strike him dead now! _HE WAS GAY WITH HIS BROTHER! EEEWWWW!_ That was _so_ gross. What was he thinking? How could he ever believe that such a thing was all right? What was wrong with him? What if someone found out? What would his _father_ say? Ew, ew, ew, ew, eeeewwwww...!

"Inu-Yasha! Get your stupid cat out of my room!"

He was pulled out of his panicky thoughts and sat there, dumb and unresponding. What was Sess talking about? All he knew was that his name had been called. He stood up and opened his bedroom door, timidly poking his head out. "Yes?"

Sesshoumaru was standing out in the hall holding a tissue to his nose, trying to breathe.

"Get. Your. Cat. Out. Of. My. Room. NOW."

Inu-Yasha paused to take in the situation. Cat... Sess's room... Sess was allergic to cats... Which they had discovered only _after_ he had cared for Mr. Sprinkles, Mrs. Carter's tabby, for a dozen times... Ooohhh.

"Sure. No problem." He traveled upstairs. It was _such_ an agonizing journey.

"Hey, Skitters, you're an unwelcome guest in here. I know you like hiding under Sesshoumaru's bed, but he doesn't like you there. He gets sick after awhile. C'mon, Skitters."

Creaking on the floorboards, the old kitty poked his head out from under the bed. "Come on, Skitters," Inu-Yasha cooed. "Come on, kitty." He bent over and reached out to drag Skitters into his arms, but as he did, the cat scratched at his fingers with a hiss. "Yow! Skitters! What's your problem, man?"

"My problem is," answered the fourteen-year-old cat in a deep, burly voice, "I'm pregnant. Get out of my way, fool."

"But Skitters," said Inu-Yasha in shock, "you're a male kitty. A _neutered_ male kitty."

"And you're a retard with a physical birth defect, but that doesn't stop you from being in love with your brother. Hey, get me some mustard on your way back from downstairs, will ya? I'm feeling in the mood for some yellow ants, ya know? They're a delicacy in Chad."

"Uh, sure." Inu-Yasha stood up and made his way to the door. "But uh, try not to get too much hair over the place. Sess'll flip and you'll be a dried 'shroom like in Paper Mario..."

"Whatever." Skitters turned away. Inu-Yasha bolted downstairs and back to his room. His heart was pounding, but he only realized it once he stopped to think.

"Is that thing out of my room?" Sesshoumaru asked as his brother whizzed by. "I'm beginning to feel dizzy... Inu-Yasha! Stop running! You'll break something! _INU-YASHA! YOU DOPE!_"

He jumped on his bed and yanked the book Winslow Asparagus gave him out of the bag. He had brought it in here after dinner, to check it out later. Now was the best time to do so if any. Once he relaxed, he opened it up.

**CARROT RHYTHM**

By Winslow Asparagus

Copyright 1852, published by Yo' Mama Inc.

_I dedicate this volume to my favorite couple of all-time, the renowned_ _Lord Sesshoumaru and his delicious little half-brother, Lord Inu-Yasha._

As he opened to the first few pages, the words downloaded onto the paper. Seriously. There was a bar at the top in light blue, labeled "Downloading," measuring the progress of the transfer. Once it finished, set at the top of the page in a box decorated with sparkly flowers, it said,

_Good evening to you, sir! My name is Peter, and I am here to inform you about this book! I will be your personal footnote for every entry featured in this one-of-a-kind edition of _Carrot Rhythm_! You may contact me anytime you have a question about this book by using THIS SPECIAL PEN, designed by Dr. Steve, and writing down your question at the top of the page!_

The _THIS SPECIAL PEN_ appeared under the box. Inu-Yasha picked it up and examined it. It was lavender, and decorated with blue butterflies. Dr. Steve's signature could be seen above the tip, reminding you as you wrote of who designed it. More words were being downloaded inside the box, replacing the first message.

_This book was brought to you by the combined geniuses of Winslow Asparagus and Yo' Mama Inc. Publishing Center! Only Yo' Mama Inc. features quality conservation through the centuries by constantly updating preservation techniques, giving you, the reader of THE NOW, the opportunity to read all kinds of various materials from THE THEN. Want to know about the weather in Russia of September 9, 1555? Yo' Mama Inc. is the only way to go! No other services offer **THIS MUCH** for the measly price of **YOUR SOUL**! _

_Mwahahahahaha! Just kidding! For just $9.95, you can buy a **SECOND EDITION**_ _of _Carrot Rhythm_ by Winslow Asparagus and get a third one** FREE**!_ _Wow! Now that's a lot of rhythmic carrots! Brought to you only by Winslow Asparagus and Yo' Mama Inc.! Imagine that niftiness! Remember, Yo' Mama knows best!_

"Uh, yeah," Inu-Yasha was a little stunned. He had been expecting something weird, but not _this_ weird. "So, uh, Peter, what's this about?"

_-Ehem-_, answered Peter in italic text. **_WRITE YOUR QUESTION AT THE TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE!_**

"Whoa. Okay. Sheesh. Don't run your ink, man. I'm new at this."

_Are we all set? _Peter asked. _Good. Now then, in order to start reading this material, you will need to turn the page! _

Inu-Yasha gripped the paper between his fingers and pulled upward, thinking this was a pretty lame way to start, having to be instructed on how to read a book. But... the page wouldn't budge. Puzzled, he wrote out as Peter told him, _How do I turn the page?_

_By picking it up and bringing it to your left, silly! Geez, have you never read a book before? Ha ha! But you'll need a password!_

_What's the password?_

_If I told you, I wouldn't be a very good host to my maggot babies, now would I? Hee hee! You're going to have to find out on your own! Here's a hint for you: What's your most FAVORITEST thing in your life right now?_

"_DAMMIT!_" He shut the book and tossed it to the side. "I don't want to deal with this right now!"

"Don't want to deal with what, you spoiled baby?" Judging by the slight nasal-y mask on Sesshoumaru's voice, the cat fur was seriously beginning to take effect on him.

"Yo' Mama!" Inu-Yasha cried. "I don't want to deal with Yo' Mama!" Sesshoumaru recoiled at Inu-Yasha's tone and gave him a quizzical look.

"You've never met my mother, Inu-Yasha. Are you seeing ghosts?"

"No! Not _your_ mama! Yo' Mama!" Frustrated, he grabbed the book and held it open. "See?"

"Inu-Yasha, it's blank."

"Aw, crap. Stupid thing..."

"I think you need a nap. Did you manage to get your feline femme fatale out of my room?" Inu-Yasha growled and glared.

"Skitters is MALE!"

"Oh, really? Then why is _he_ pregnant and demanding mus... tard..." Sesshoumaru stared at Inu-Yasha. Inu-Yasha opened the book again. He was now guessing at the password. Peter analyzed the data. Sesshoumaru was now wondering how the fat male cat up in his room could be talking and be pregnant...

"_Sesshoumaru" is correct. You now have access to Chapter One: There Once Was a Little Pea Pod. Please make sure you read this chapter along with your most FAVORITEST thing in your life. I suggest in the master bedroom under the covers of the big, fluffy bed with some hot cocoa. Then, once you're done reading you can snuggle up real close and— _

"Shut up, Peter!" Inu-Yasha slapped the book as though smacking a child for being rude. "You're making Sesshoumaru sound like a whore!"

"_What was that?_" Sesshoumaru's fingers wrapped around Inu-Yasha's neck in an instant. Looking into his big brother's eyes, Inu-Yasha saw red. He didn't know why. However, this time, he wasn't as scared. Sure, he was being choked, but he just wasn't scared. It seemed fitting that Sesshoumaru's eyes turned red when he was angry.

"It was nothing," coughed Inu-Yasha. "I was yelling at the book. Look at the book now." Sighing, Sesshoumaru loosened his grip and glanced over at _Carrot Rhythm_. His eyes widened. They were back to their usual thin caramel color. He released Inu-Yasha completely and took hold of the _THIS SPECIAL PEN_ laying on the bed. At the top of the page, as Inu-Yasha's own questions began disappearing, he wrote,

_How do you know about us? Who are you? What controls you?_

It took a few hesitant moments for Peter to respond. Inu-Yasha watched Sesshoumaru intently. He seemed to know exactly how to use this sort of book. But why? What did he know that Inu-Yasha didn't?

_My name is Peter. I work for Yo' Mama Inc. I live in Hell, at the 484th Gate, and am now at my cubicle, sending you information by way of the highest technology of this land. A man called Winslow Asparagus told me about you. Our motto here is to always get to know our customers in order to satisfy them better. Is this satisfactory to you, sir?_

Sesshoumaru tapped the pen against the paper in thought. After awhile, he put down, _Tell me about Winslow Asparagus._

Peter answered in a series of periods, then erased all else from his box and seemed to scribble hurriedly, _...I am afraid it is not within my duties to tell you what you wish to know. All I can tell you is the biographical information supplied to me in the original text of his application to the company. _

_Then by all means, begin._

_Are you sure, sir? That is what you want to know?_

_Dare you question my authority again, mongrel, and I shall see to it you no longer possess the ability to function._

_Very well, Lord Sesshoumaru. Winslow Icarus Asparagus was born to an American farmer and his wife in 1832, on the southern border of New Hampshire. He grew up in a small town and received a thorough education, which only the wealthiest and the best scholars could be granted. He especially showed an interest in writing, and would prefer to take jaunts far away from home rather than pull weeds and sow seeds. His parents, figuring they could leave the duty of the farm to Winslow's fourteen brothers and sisters, encouraged him into the art, and, when they could afford it, bought him paper and quills as gifts. He was apprenticed as a printer and worked as a journalist when he was older. _Carrot Rhythm_ was his first and only accepted novel. It is about a young girl who one day stumbles upon a mysterious patch of vegetables. All his other books, including the sequel to _Carrot Rhythm, Rutabaga Blues, _were considered to be too bizarre to publish. He disappeared in 1863. _

Peter stopped there. Sesshoumaru closed the book after reading and faced his younger brother. "Where did you get this?"

Inu-Yasha had to stabilize his breath. "Sess... I... It was given to me by... Well, by Winslow Asparagus. Or at least some weird guy _calling_ himself Winslow Asparagus. He... he, uh... said some strange shit to me and then he gave me this book." He, of course, purposefully left out the part about Mr. Asparagus's wonky infatuation.

"What did he tell you?"

"He... He didn't say much. But... he was... excited when he saw my ears. I think he knows something about me. About... us..."

"I suppose he knows our little secret as well, judging by his lovely dedication." Sesshoumaru turned away and flipped back to the cover page. "At least now I know more about him. Was this your first encounter with him, Inu-Yasha?"

"Uh, well, yeah. Why? Have you seen him, too?"

"I have. Three times by now. The first time he gave me the answers to my mid-term test. Not that I needed them; it was his peace offering, he said. The second time he followed me in the grocery store. The third time, he had said something about..." He broke off his sentence. Inu-Yasha looked frightened. "Little brother, I suggest you get some sleep. We will continue to discuss it tomorrow."

"O... okay," Inu-Yasha nodded, dazed and lost in his thoughts. His subconscious mind lured him into bed. Sesshoumaru held the book by his side. He planned to bring it with him back to his room, but then he remembered that Skitters had been in there and was probably still brooding there, so he would be on the couch tonight. Ugh. How lowly. He hated being nice.

"Sesshoumaru..."

Ah. Now he remembered what he wanted to do. Sesshoumaru brought a small parcel from the front pocket of his jeans and placed it on the night stand. He leaned over and kissed Inu-Yasha on the cheek. "Happy birthday."

And then, he turned out the light. Closing the door quietly as he stepped out into the hall, Sesshoumaru went to work in the kitchen. This way, he'd have plenty of coffee to get him through the night. It was study time.

**END/InstallmentThree**

Editor's notes (from SesshouMario): All I have to say is that Yo' Mama Inc., Winslow Asparagus, and THIS SPECIAL PEN are some of the best things ever brought to this world. Also, kudos to the author for making an unnecessary but fun reference to Paper Mario simply because it rules. I couldn't stop laughing about Yo' Mama. It's just fun to say. Say it. "Yo' Mama." Wasn't that cool? Huh? What am I smoking? Well, EXCUUUUUSE ME for being unique! See ya, and don't forget to review LFM's story (not that I need to say that, looking at the review count.)


	4. Fourth Installment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Inu-Yasha _(or his brother), just Winslow Asparagus and the storyline.

**Dearly Beloved**

_Fourth Installment_

Inu-Yasha woke up the next morning with a mild headache and a stuffy nose. Ack. Allergy season. He rolled over, gazed dumbly at the floor, and fell off the bed, vaguely aware of his head whacking the night stand. Already he could tell that today was going to be one of those, "Wait, what the hell happened here?" days. He yawned, opening his mouth as wide as he possibly could, giving any onlooker a chance to get a great view of his big, pointy canine teeth. That's right. He didn't even have manners enough to cover his mouth, that infesting-the-world-with-germs bastard.

He sat upright and rubbed the excess tears out of his eyes with a finger, finding the waking-wetness of his eyes somewhat refreshing. He yawned again, this time with a little less-than-manly inhalation. Then, he stretched his arms, stood up, stretched his legs, yawned a third time, scratched his back, blinked a few times, scratched his left armpit, and finally noticed something out of place on his bureau. _How the hell did that get there?_ he wondered, picking the object he spotted up and looking it over with a lost expression. Eh, well, there really wasn't much else he could do with it except—

_Duh. Idjit. _It was a gift from Sesshoumaru. The little tag on the little box in red wrapping paper said so. Because yesterday had been his nineteenth birthday. Figures that the second-to-worst day of the year had been his birthday. All that weird shit happening and then all the bad luck which followed. He hoped that a gift from Sesshoumaru would make it better.

How very unfortunate that _that_ was not the case.

* * *

Sesshoumaru awoke to find his head stuck between the pages of _Carrot Rhythm_, a tiny bit of drool having found its way down his chin and onto the paper. He stared at it in contempt; such a thing was very undignified and improper. He wiped it off with a dish towel laying nearby. Had he actually fallen asleep in the kitchen while reading up on Winslow Asparagus's book, despite all that coffee he drank? Uh-oh... Speaking of all that coffee he drank...

* * *

Inu-Yasha jumped back in terror and confusion. Why would Sesshoumaru give him something like _this_? Out from the parcel had jumped what appeared to be a larger than ordinary, but still pretty damn small, flea, which greeted him with, "Good day to you, Lord Inu-Yasha! Long time no suck!" before eagerly leaping its way up to said master's nose. Now the flea was gulping down Inu-Yasha's blood as though it hadn't had a decent meal for weeks. Without much thought, Inu-Yasha slapped the bug on his nose flat. It fell to the floor in a Paper Mario-like fashion (I know, I know, enough with the references, but it's such a cool game—!). Inu-Yasha was too startled to say anything. Which was perfectly okie-dokie, because it was the flea who took up the responsibility of introductions. 

"Please, excuse me for being rude. It's just that it has been so long since I last tasted your blood. Tastier than ever, may I say so, my lord."

"Who... Wha...?"

"Allow me to introduce myself: I am called Myouga, and I have come bearing devastating news. News which affects you in many ways. You see—"

"How do you know me?"

Myouga the Flea paused in his speech to cough and jump onto Inu-Yasha's foot. "Well, how should I begin? Your father wanted me to keep an eye on you while you grew up, keeping you updated on certain things while, at the same time, guiding you out of mischief. Unfortunately, I have been unable to do that for the past few years due to a, uh, unusual occurrence in the Underworld. But now I have come to help you better understand—"

Inu-Yasha had stopped paying attention once his father had been mentioned. "My _father_ wanted you to watch over me?"

"Yes. He knew his time was short and so he—"

"Did you know my father?"

"Ah, but of course! He was a magnificent dog demon, the leader of the clan! The biggest and most powerful—"

"'Dog demon'? What the hell do you mean by 'dog demon'?"

Myouga sighed, hopping up to Inu-Yasha's arm and sitting down. "I suppose I'll have to tell you the whole story if I'm to get anything done here. It goes like this..."

* * *

Sesshoumaru walked out of the bathroom, zipping up his pants and heading over to the coffee maker to throw it out the window. Okay, not really, because then he'd have to replace it, but still... He feared he would never get out of there. He wouldn't be drinking coffee for a long, long time now. And especially not in as excessive amounts as he had the night before. It was like, coffee after coffee after coffee, and he _still_ managed to fall asleep. Stupid caffeine was overrated. He sighed and stared out the window, wondering if Inu-Yasha had woken up and discovered his little present by now. Inu-Yasha was known for sleeping in _and_ being perfectly blind to the most obvious things. Lucky for him, this was Saturday and he didn't have to go to work. So he could actually sleep in and be perfectly blind to the most obvious things without too much gripe. 

But the look on Inu-Yasha's face when he discovered that within the small box was a cowardly, talking flea! Ah well. That could be dealt with later. For now, there was that book to—

"Oh, ho ho, such very loud music playing from next door! Can you hear it, Sesshy? Those girls are having a party! Listen to them giggle! I popped in there last night, and they were playing DDR! Have you ever played DDR, Sesshy? I doubt you have. Too stiff to dance! Ho ho!"

Sesshoumaru turned around slowly, reluctant to look into the face of who dared speak to him this early in the morning. "I would rather not waste my time on such things, Mr. Asparagus."

"Oh, no, I would think not, Mr. High and Mighty Can't Dance for Shiitake Mushrooms," Winslow Asparagus replied with a grin. He was looking greener and grosser than ever, especially in the neat black suit he had on. His shoes were a little _too_ shiny. "How do you like my book? It's grand, isn't it? A true masterpiece, I would say!"

"It's unusual," Sesshoumaru nodded, "but I will admit it _is_ a good read. What business have you here today, sir?" Winslow's grin lessened, his humor having been reduced by hearing that mocking note on the word _sir_. This pesky demon was out to stop his fun!

"I see how you are. Tell me, has your little brother taken a peek at my book yet?" He was answered with a shake of the head. Disappointment now completely dominated his good mood. "I was afraid not. Well, I suppose I shall bid you good evenin', then, and be on my way."

"So soon?" Sesshoumaru asked, a bit surprised that Winslow was so eager to leave when, during all his previous encounters with the goblin, he had to do all in his ability to get away from the damned creature. "You wouldn't even care to stay for tea?"

"A vile beast you are, Lord Sesshoumaru, using my only weakness against me. All right. I suppose I can stay for just a sip." And with that, his trickster's smile came back. He sat at the table, lifting his book for a quick look-see and placed it back down, closed, neat. One could say he was a bit over compulsive in this needing for things to be tidy and organized whenever it had little to do with his sexual sadism (when it came to that, vacuuming the living room was something he'd never dream of doing). The way he moved, the way his eyes glowed in their yellow light, disturbed Sesshoumaru greatly.

Inu-Yasha's older brother went to work on the tea while Winslow sat twiddling his thumbs, every now and then sighing in a daydream-y sort of way. Once the tea was done, he placed it in front of the strange man and sat opposite him. "So. I hear you used to live in New Hampshire as the son of a farmer and his bitch."

"Oh, Gods, no. Mummy wasn't a bitch, she was a witch. I remember when I was just a wee child, I wandered into her chambers to find her stirring a dark green liquid in her cauldron. Oh, blessed memories! She fed it to the goat later. The next day, the goat produced twice as much milk as normal and gave birth to a six-legged kid. I named him Spider-Legs. Dear Spider-Legs, where are you now?" He got this far-off, reminiscent look on his face, as though recalling how the young goat's hair felt against his skin. Sesshoumaru—if he had a gun within his reach—would have shot him just to be rid of him.

Winslow drank his tea in a ladylike fashion before setting the cup down and regarding Sesshoumaru with his head cocked to the side, his mouth turned in a grin which would have made the devil want to join Sesshoumaru in shooting him. "Well, sorry to drink and run, but I have work to do. Master's been requiring a lot of me lately. I'm due for a promotion." He stood and winked at Sesshoumaru. "Take good care of your brother. You never know just how important he'll be to you." He deteriorated from sight. Besides the teacup and faulty positioning of the kitchen curtains (where Winslow had apparently made his entrance), one would have never known he had been there to begin with.

Sesshoumaru shook his head, finding this situation very exasperating. Winslow Asparagus would come and go as though he owned the whole friggin' world, and while he was at it, would do his best to piss off everyone within range. He felt kind of sorry for those girls the goblin had been spying on; the idea of being watched but being unable to see or know who was watching you... He stood from the table, giving a skeptical glance toward the book, and headed down the hall to check up on Inu-Yasha. The newly-affirmed adult hadn't made a noise all morning. Not even so much as a snore. There had to be something wrong.

* * *

Inu-Yasha regarded Myouga with a quizzical stare. He was confused beyond belief now, and the fact that it was a talking flea getting him that way made it worse. 

"Run that by me again, why don't you...?"

Myouga sighed. "Look, Master, if you don't understand, you should probably ask your brother about it. He can probably explain it better than I can."

"No, no, I'm not asking him for anything; just tell it to me slow, alright?" Inu-Yasha refused to resort to asking Sesshoumaru about their father; there were plenty of times when he had done that before, and each and every one of them ended in pain and emotional torment. Talking to Sesshoumaru about Daddy was near impossible, bringing the topic up gave you an automatic bad relationship and an ear-grabbing.

"Very well then." Myouga cleared his throat and prepared to tell the story again. "My lord... You are a half-demon. Do you understand?" Inu-Yasha glanced at his fingernails—long, white, and pointed—and shrugged.

"I guess so. That's where all this"—he pointed to his hair, his ears—"come from, right? That 'demon' side?" His retainer nodded.

"That's right. You never noticed it before because your mother was a human. Your father was a demon. A great dog demon, who claimed the Western Lands as his own."

"Right... But how could he be a demon? I've never seen none o' _them_ before."

"'Never seen _any_,'"corrected Myouga. "Well, that's because demons aren't as common as they used to be. Most of them were killed off in the Great Ningen-Youkai War that went on nigh a hundred years ago. Mind you, humans and demons have never gotten along very well, but it wasn't until that war that they really began to join together and fight against one another. We don't need to get into that right now, though.

"Demons aren't as common as they used to be, but there _are_ still a few roaming about. Your father was one of the last to survive this long. He was over a thousand years old when he died, wise, powerful, and kind-hearted. He had the courage and the wisdom to give him an honorable reputation and a noble title, and he left two of his most treasured possessions to you and your brother: the swords Tenseiga and Tessaiga, the swords of Heaven and Earth. Do you know what kind of power that sword possesses?" Myouga brought his audience's attention to Tessaiga, over in the corner of Inu-Yasha's room. After awhile, Inu-Yasha shook his head. "It has the power to slay a hundred demons in one stroke. _One hundred demons_, my lord, _if_ you can master it. The Great Dog Demon would not have bestowed that sword to you if he did not believe you could master it, despite your half-demon status. He believed in your potential, Inu-Yasha, even though you were just an infant when he died."

"How... _did_ he die?"

"He died... protecting your mother from the evils of man. I don't really know how; I wasn't there, but it was a great tragedy. It resulted in your mother taking you and Sesshoumaru and moving away, raising you on her own. Do you know she has never so much as _dated_ another man after your father's death? She was loyal to him, Inu-Yasha, as loyal to him as he was to her. Theirs was a love unfathomable. It went beyond the difference of their species, it was _magic_. It was—"

"Shaddup!" _Squish_. "I don't need to hear about it! Just move on already! What's the deal with Sesshoumaru? What about his mother? His sword of 'heaven' or whatever." Inu-Yasha had begun to cry; upon hearing the commitment his parents had to each other, his heart began to tear itself, thinking about their compassion. They were good people, and they were together now. He missed them. He wished he could have met his father, more than ever before. But hearing about it, from a _flea_ he barely knew... He didn't want it. Not now. Now wasn't the time. He wanted to move on. He didn't want to cry.

He wiped the tears from his eyes with his thumbnail.

Myouga popped back into shape, seemingly oblivious to Inu-Yasha's emotions. "Excuse me, my lord. I got carried away. -Ehem- As I was saying... Yes, Sesshoumaru. His mother was a demon. One of those who died in the War."

"But the War was a hundred years ago, you said..." Now that they had changed topics, Inu-Yasha successfully avoided crying. His head was a little clearer, but there was a dull throbbing, resulting from his moment of emotionality.

"Yes. And that would make Sesshoumaru over a hundred years old."

"But... How... Then why didn't he ever tell me?"

"Um, well... I'm not quite sure." Myouga felt a little guilty for not knowing. "To be honest... I never knew he didn't tell you. I thought you would have known by now..."

_Knock_.

"If your name's Sesshoumaru, you're not allowed. If it's not, you're still not allowed, but state your business anyway," Inu-Yasha called to the door.

Lo and behold, Sesshoumaru opened it. "Inu-Yasha."

"I said all people named Sesshoumaru weren't allowed!" Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and tried again.

"Inu-Yasha. When you're done bonding with your new best friend, I'd like you to unload the dishwasher."

Little brother scoffed. "You came here to tell me _that_?"

Big brother remained calm. "I didn't say I was finished. _After_ you unload the dishwasher, we have something to talk about."

"Joy. Does it involve demons and that vegetable dude?"

"It might. It might also deal with... something else."

"Such as...?"

"..."

"Well?"

"I'll talk to you later." He left. Inu-Yasha glared.

"That bossy... Arrogant... Demanding... _Faggot-y sonofabitch_! He just thinks he can tell me to do whatever the hell he doesn't want to do and I'll do it like a good little puppy—! Goddammit! I'm not ever letting him fuck with me again! He's _using_ me!"

Myouga jumped away, sensing the rising anger in Inu-Yasha's energy. "Er, but sir, he's your brother... That kind of thing is expected..." He knew nothing, of course, about exactly how "brotherly" the two of them were. He knew naught of their secret relations, little of their everyday behaviors, nothing of their partnership—or lack of. It had been years since he had last spent time around the Taisho boys. And spending the last few minutes around them was enough of a wake-up call on its own.

Inu-Yasha turned to reprimand him, then remembered that there was a piece of his relationship with his brother that was best left unknown, that was beginning to irritate him at the moment, but had to be left secret. Myouga didn't know they recently became lovers; how could he? He joined the "family" not an hour ago (or two days ago, if you thought about his time encountering Sesshoumaru and being stuffed in a box). Besides that, it wasn't something one would normally share, especially not with people they only just met.

"Never mind," he said, finding himself calm again. "It was his tone that bothered me, that's all. He's been asking a lot from me lately and it's getting to bug me."

"I see..." From the way his voice trailed off, Myouga clearly wasn't seeing, but he said he was, meaning he wouldn't force it. Inu-Yasha was glad; he didn't want to get into it.

* * *

Later, when Myouga had contented himself in a light nap on the kitchen windowsill, after Inu-Yasha finished his chores, he met Sesshoumaru in the living room. It was after noon now, and the sun shone bright as ever through the windows, almost blinding our favorite hanyou buddy. 

Sesshoumaru sat drinking tea on the couch, a book splayed on his lap; the television was off, making the room unusually quiet. Inu-Yasha felt free to sit beside him. He rested his arms behind his head. "So. What did you wanna talk about?"

Taking notice of his brother's presence, Sesshoumaru placed his tea on a coaster on the coffee table, marked his page with an index card, put the book aside and watched Inu-Yasha. When he stared at you in that all-knowing way he had of staring at you, it was almost impossible not to feel ashamed of who you are. Inu-Yasha experienced that not-so-fuzzy feeling now, that familiar tingling of embarrassment. It was like Sesshoumaru was reading his soul, not by looking through his eyes, but by looking through his _being_. He hated it when Sesshoumaru looked at him like that, it always made him feel vulnerable and weak. He loathed being weakened, especially around his brother, his big, strong, _perfect_ brother. And no wonder; the guy had been around over a hundred years according to Myouga. He was bound to be wiser, destined to be more experienced. Fated to know all about Inu-Yasha that Inu-Yasha didn't know himself.

_How does my ass feel to you, asshole?_ _Inspired you to write a book of your own about it yet? You could make the bestseller charts, just like Winslow Asparagus, you sick sonofabitch_.

Perhaps this sudden anger directed toward his brother was unnecessary; mayhap he was overreacting. Making a bigger deal than need be. All Sesshoumaru had asked was for him to come and talk, but to unload the dishwasher first. Was that such a crime? Yet, here was 'Yasha-dear, his mind racing with negativity. He _did_ feel vulnerable, he _did_ feel used, and he _did_ feel as though Sesshoumaru were reading all that went on his mind, all that went on in his heart, his body, as though just by sitting next to him left his aura wide open, his person displayed solely for Sesshoumaru's viewing pleasure.

Sure, he spread his legs for him a few times, but did he expect to have Inu-Yasha's soul, too?

"Inu-Yasha. It has been a while since your mother died. Have you recovered?"

"Well enough, I guess. I mean, I still miss 'er and everythin', but I'm not depressed about it anymore, I guess. Why?" Inu-Yasha backed away from his brother; that stare was too hot to handle right now. Burning. He felt scarred.

"This all started because of her, you know. We... We wouldn't be in our current situation if it wasn't for her."

Stuttering? That was... different. That wasn't like Sesshoumaru at all. Sesshoumaru always knew how to says things just right, just so they pissed you off and crawled under your skin and over your spine.

"Whadduya mean, 'our current situation'? It was that Asparagus dude who killed her, wasn't it? So there'd be no way we could have avoided—"

"That's not what I'm talking about." Sharp. Direct. _Stab_. Heated anger began its rise in Inu-Yasha's gut. He couldn't stand it when his brother got angry with him; it made _him_ angry with _Sesshoumaru_.

"Then what _are_ you talking about!" He was going to add, "bitchwad," but decided against it. Damn second thoughts.

Sesshoumaru pretended not to notice any harshness in Inu-Yasha's voice. "I think you know damn well what I'm talking about; have you so much as _thought_ about what we've been doing?"

"I don't know! What _have_ we been doing!"

"It's _incest_, Inu-Yasha!"

Oh. That. Yeah. It _was_ incest, wasn't it? So they had been thinking the same thing all along. Heh.

Inu-Yasha blushed and stared at his hands, now laying limp in his lap. That word made him feel guilty, like he had done something wrong. Once again, the idea of being with his brother in _that way_ made him sick. He was a traitor. A family traitor. Brothers didn't fuck each other on normal circumstances. If that did occur, one of them had to be insane. Or both of them had to be insane. As far as Inu-Yasha was concerned, _he_ was perfectly in his right mind, but he wasn't too sure about Sesshoumaru.

Of course, it had been Inu-Yasha to push it, hadn't it?

Maybe he _was_ insane.

"Y-yeah. What about it?"

"Think about it, Inu-Yasha. Would you _seriously_ want to be lovers with _me_?"

That was a good question. One that could definitely use some thinking. On the pros, Sess was pretty hot. And he was an awesome lover; Inu-Yasha couldn't see why he didn't have a girlfriend (or a boyfriend) of some sort. He was strong and loyal and protective and really, really smart. On the cons, he was his older brother. Ick. He was bossy and authoritative, prideful and spiteful. He held grudges. He was hotheaded. Actually, he had more in common with Inu-Yasha than any of Inu-Yasha's past girlfriends.

_Then again_... There were times when he just couldn't stand being around Sesshoumaru. -Sigh- What a life, eh?

"Well, um, that would depend... I mean, we _do_ know each other pretty well and all, so..."

"Are you suggesting you wouldn't _mind_ continuing our... our... _fling_?" Now Sesshoumaru was staring wide-eyed at him as though he had requested they have sex in public. Inu-Yasha raised an eyebrow at him and backed himself into the armrest of the couch.

"Uh... sure? I don't see a problem with it... 'Cept... That would make us gay... And... special. But I mean, no one has to know about that, right?" Now he just being hypocritical. Really. Couldn't make up his mind today. Did he hate Sesshoumaru or did he want him to himself? Oh, God damn it all.

"Inu-Yasha..." Sesshoumaru whacked him on the head, grabbing an ear and holding onto it. "Do you have any idea what Winslow Asparagus said to me today?"

"Winslow Asparagus came to visit you?"

"He said, 'Take good care of your brother. You never know just how important he'll be to you.' He _knows_, Inu-Yasha. He knows everything."

"Yeah, and he's also the weirdest guy I've ever met, but—"

"It scares me, brother, it scares me more than I've ever imagined possible."

"Say _what_?"

**END/Installment Four**

* * *

**Ending Notes: **There ya go! At long last! I know, that was a pretty crappy cliffhanger, but it gives me a great advantage when I start the fifth chapter. Now that I've gotten back into it, I hope to make some quicker updates. I apologize for taking so long. Don't give up on me yet! 


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